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Whistle For Govinda

This frail vessel empty again and again, and fill it with fresh life.

Lei Tracy

職業
興趣
I was ripping myself out of wombs since 1984.
I love people who have a sarcastic sense of humor like I do.
People call me heedless; I doubt not they are right in their blame.
Im laughing so hard.
A tiger Cant Change its Stripes, and im a LION!!!
Comment me here  XD
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amine 撰寫:
hey how ru doing? anywayi just wanna say that i miss u a whole lot, and that atleat u should answer one af my mails and sms, like every intelectual person, i think that it's the minimum for somebodywho's thinking abt u, and who's still.. anyway think abt i'm not asking lots from u but i'm still considering u a friend of mine got many things to say, i mean facts that happened why did u that?!
5 月 1 日

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Anti-Commemoration

 
 

Its been almost 70 years already. Some of you have never had a doubt that you hate them...but slaughter continues.
 
One word they slam to the microphone, and your little heart's crushed.
 
In memory of your loving compatriot, light your little candles, put on your little grief, and dont forget your narrow nationalism.
 
So, mourn/resent all you fucking want. grievance makes you innocent.
 
But thats far from effective, nor sublime.
 
Why dont you admit that you are one of the dullest stander-bys? and thats your backhanded massacre.


you can light your candles HERE; or get MORE

  

Evader's killing me

 
 
   This is for ones who care...
 
--A lot of "you"s here typed in the blog, actually what i meant is myself, im totally hypocritical, and easily to be self-centered.
--I have been holding a maggot of being an honest person, yet eventually i found out ive been self-deceiving all along.
--Making myself isolated sometimes an useful trick, to hide the timidity. it's the same funk to admit that i cry like a loser at times.
--In fear of losing, i dont say stabbing words, even if it's truth and good for others.
--I have been getting myself into "let's be friends", with the understanding that guys are not free to be friends.
--Among the things i hate, most of them are what i have been doing. 
 
Simply because im fucking AFRAID to admit these. They are hid in my subconsciousness. Each mirror has a reflection of a dissimilar me, as the differences exist between who i am and who i think i am.
 
For ones who like me, i doubt you have really figured me out or not. For ones who hate me, discover the flaw that worth to waste. 
 
Somehow i have a strong feeling that i can't live life like this anymore. I have been taught to stop the meaningless/frustrated things keeping up in my life. Cause i definitely dont wanna be tear-stained years later, saying my life has been sucked out. That's how bad could this hurt...against I won't feel a thing.

Of unburden myself with all the truth is to keep on lying. probably...But that's not my point here. To some extent, i would have myself hated or loved for who i am. And to simplify the mess. For ones i care for, i will always be true.
 
Life bursts out at the very moment of the enthusiasm runs up; Soon as death plops, by no means of fading away. On my way out, letting that door hit my ass would be sufficiently shitty. I guess thats the reason im doing this, and its not easy for me.

 


 

亲爱的,我是被你抛弃的...


--"how can they look into my eyes and still they don't believe me"  
--"how can they hear me say these words and still they don't believe me"  
--"and if they don't believe me now will they ever believe me?"  
 
 

     站在通往地狱的门前,凄惨的嚎叫如滚烫的熔岩般浮动,蔓延。荆棘缚住的是身体,呼吸;但不是思想。亲爱的,当天使托起你飞入天堂时,我被唾入地狱。

     凌晨三点,胸口虚弱的起伏,你。在他的梦中,我让他的血肉给予你营养--你的战友。在那个白茫茫的林中,我沾满鲜血的双手,鲜红刺眼;你呼出的微弱气流,体温离去。最后一班回家的列车,守护着凋谢。没有时间去在意...雪花飘落苍白的天空,没来得及感到自由,一切完结。

     如果还有明天,我们还会急于为自己找理由么?诱惑太多,但没有什么不用付出代价。她手臂环着你的幸福如是你脸上的喜悦。阳光下,你的胡渣闪着暗红色的光,我记得。既然誓言不是永远,我的末日就没有到来。永远太永远,所以残酷。

     我们迷失?还是明确方向?等待有人拉着我们的手,带我们走出沼泽。每天变老,一天天变冷。被拯救--也只是另一个令人愤怒的谎言。我从未如此确定我必须爱你。这是无人知晓的秘密。这是在我自己意识到之前就被你抛弃的,我的梦。                                    
     过去并不遥远,不要迷失在过去,亲爱的。因为我不愿告诉你生活远比我们自身复杂。为什么要努力?什么都不会改变。伤疤是不会失去的纪念品。
     感觉--神出鬼没、不宜忘却的;人需要时间,发觉幻灭。吸引,迷人,被迷惑,迷恋,迷途,迷幻,迷茫,迷惘...都只是幻象?

     亲爱的,我是那个被你抛弃的...
     这不是你的错。
     这只是你赠予我的一个太过明显的命运——把爱和忠诚给了迟钝,呆滞的灵魂。
     不知为何,现在,当下,我的皮肤变成了外壳;地狱里,这是我身体的最后一晚。

 
The boy with the thorn in his side, behind the hatred there lies   
  a murderous desire for love   
 
 
  

神啊,教我怎样体会!

 
我错了,其实每天都会错。不是故意也不足以成为借口。
 
如果能像童话里用什么去交换,我选择换回体会他人痛苦的本领。如果说冰清玉洁是一种美好的修辞,那么千万别再加上茫然无知。那便是一种罪过。如果说那一丝妩媚不属于我,那么所谓的天真烂漫就更不是我的旖旎的犄角,所以我曾想,大概爱都是自以为是的,我们将他/她填入自己想象的成分,身陷亲手铺设的陷阱。
 
我错的原因是:我不是你。体谅你的最大限度也仅仅是我可怜的想象力。没有人能真正体会自己带给别人的痛苦。如果有人说“我理解你。”真正的意思是“我在乎你的感受”或者“我同情你”。不要希冀别人做不到的,折断别人的翅膀你也会痛。
 
无独有偶的互相伤害,用爱互相折磨。只因上帝赋予我们复杂而深刻的情感,却未曾顾及我们渺小的能力。于是无奈。
 
无奈......无奈地伤害了别人,无奈地收到了伤害,然后是“谢谢”和“对不起”,最后无辜的样子自怜着。就像受伤的小动物,将强有力的攻击,脆弱的自我保护这一切进行完毕,会来到僻静的地方舔自己的伤口。这就是天使/魔鬼化于一身的无奈和悲哀。
 
无奈......某一天目睹自己的邪恶,愤怒过后是害怕,这些情愫究竟是因为带给别人痛苦,还是因为带给别人痛苦之后自己也没有获得快感?
害怕,怕自己会比撒旦还要邪恶,疑惑那些不相信撒旦的人们。究竟是我太撒旦?还是他们没有意识到撒旦已经渗入了他们一侧的灵魂?
 
始终悱恻你们“下辈子要做风”......风不自由,它有方向。人呢?没有方向亦无自由......
 
  We are chained,by ourselves.
 
 
 
<3  
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