個人檔案Whistle For Govinda相片部落格清單更多 ![]() | 說明 |
Whistle For GovindaThis frail vessel empty again and again, and fill it with fresh life. |
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Comment me here XD
amine
撰寫:
hey
how ru doing? anywayi just wanna say that i miss u a whole lot, and that atleat u should answer one af my mails and sms, like every intelectual person, i think that it's the minimum for somebodywho's thinking abt u, and who's still.. anyway think abt i'm not asking lots from u but i'm still considering u a friend of mine
got many things to say, i mean facts that happened
why did u that?!
5 月 1 日
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Anti-Commemoration
Evader's killing me This is for ones who care...
--A lot of "you"s here typed in the blog, actually what i meant is myself, im totally hypocritical, and easily to be self-centered.
--I have been holding a maggot of being an honest person, yet eventually i found out ive been self-deceiving all along. --Making myself isolated sometimes an useful trick, to hide the timidity. it's the same funk to admit that i cry like a loser at times. --In fear of losing, i dont say stabbing words, even if it's truth and good for others. --I have been getting myself into "let's be friends", with the understanding that guys are not free to be friends. --Among the things i hate, most of them are what i have been doing. Simply because im fucking AFRAID to admit these. They are hid in my subconsciousness. Each mirror has a reflection of a dissimilar me, as the differences exist between who i am and who i think i am.
For ones who like me, i doubt you have really figured me out or not. For ones who hate me, discover the flaw that worth to waste.
Somehow i have a strong feeling that i can't live life like this anymore. I have been taught to stop the meaningless/frustrated things keeping up in my life. Cause i definitely dont wanna be tear-stained years later, saying my life has been sucked out. That's how bad could this hurt...against I won't feel a thing.
Of unburden myself with all the truth is to keep on lying. probably...But that's not my point here. To some extent, i would have myself hated or loved for who i am. And to simplify the mess. For ones i care for, i will always be true. Life bursts out at the very moment of the enthusiasm runs up; Soon as death plops, by no means of fading away. On my way out, letting that door hit my ass would be sufficiently shitty. I guess thats the reason im doing this, and its not easy for me.
亲爱的,我是被你抛弃的...--"how can they look into my eyes and still they don't believe me"
--"how can they hear me say these words and still they don't believe me"
--"and if they don't believe me now will they ever believe me?" 站在通往地狱的门前,凄惨的嚎叫如滚烫的熔岩般浮动,蔓延。荆棘缚住的是身体,呼吸;但不是思想。亲爱的,当天使托起你飞入天堂时,我被唾入地狱。 凌晨三点,胸口虚弱的起伏,你。在他的梦中,我让他的血肉给予你营养--你的战友。在那个白茫茫的林中,我沾满鲜血的双手,鲜红刺眼;你呼出的微弱气流,体温离去。最后一班回家的列车,守护着凋谢。没有时间去在意...雪花飘落苍白的天空,没来得及感到自由,一切完结。 如果还有明天,我们还会急于为自己找理由么?诱惑太多,但没有什么不用付出代价。她手臂环着你的幸福如是你脸上的喜悦。阳光下,你的胡渣闪着暗红色的光,我记得。既然誓言不是永远,我的末日就没有到来。永远太永远,所以残酷。 我们迷失?还是明确方向?等待有人拉着我们的手,带我们走出沼泽。每天变老,一天天变冷。被拯救--也只是另一个令人愤怒的谎言。我从未如此确定我必须爱你。这是无人知晓的秘密。这是在我自己意识到之前就被你抛弃的,我的梦。 亲爱的,我是那个被你抛弃的... The boy with the thorn in his side, behind the hatred there lies
a murderous desire for love
神啊,教我怎样体会!我错了,其实每天都会错。不是故意也不足以成为借口。
如果能像童话里用什么去交换,我选择换回体会他人痛苦的本领。如果说冰清玉洁是一种美好的修辞,那么千万别再加上茫然无知。那便是一种罪过。如果说那一丝妩媚不属于我,那么所谓的天真烂漫就更不是我的旖旎的犄角,所以我曾想,大概爱都是自以为是的,我们将他/她填入自己想象的成分,身陷亲手铺设的陷阱。
我错的原因是:我不是你。体谅你的最大限度也仅仅是我可怜的想象力。没有人能真正体会自己带给别人的痛苦。如果有人说“我理解你。”真正的意思是“我在乎你的感受”或者“我同情你”。不要希冀别人做不到的,折断别人的翅膀你也会痛。
无独有偶的互相伤害,用爱互相折磨。只因上帝赋予我们复杂而深刻的情感,却未曾顾及我们渺小的能力。于是无奈。
无奈......无奈地伤害了别人,无奈地收到了伤害,然后是“谢谢”和“对不起”,最后无辜的样子自怜着。就像受伤的小动物,将强有力的攻击,脆弱的自我保护这一切进行完毕,会来到僻静的地方舔自己的伤口。这就是天使/魔鬼化于一身的无奈和悲哀。
无奈......某一天目睹自己的邪恶,愤怒过后是害怕,这些情愫究竟是因为带给别人痛苦,还是因为带给别人痛苦之后自己也没有获得快感?
害怕,怕自己会比撒旦还要邪恶,疑惑那些不相信撒旦的人们。究竟是我太撒旦?还是他们没有意识到撒旦已经渗入了他们一侧的灵魂?
始终悱恻你们“下辈子要做风”......风不自由,它有方向。人呢?没有方向亦无自由......
We are chained,by ourselves.
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